So much I want to journal. Some just to "catch up" on what I've been processing. Some to explore a bit more.
I heard this song a week or 2 ago:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU
And it just came back on the radio, so it inspired me to share it and now to journal.
This song speaks God's heart to me and penetrates my whole being. I always have to listen to it multiple times...hoping it'll sink in just a little bit deeper.
"Please don't fight these hands that are holding you"...God, how am I fighting You?
I'm still trying to bring my best to God...how I can have pride in my heart when all could be lost so easily?
An AB group member shared that he and his wife are separated and almost divorced due to his addition...ouch. When I read that, I thought that could have been me...that could be me if I don't take my brokenness and weakness to God daily.
While walking to work this past week half a the lyrics to the song in my heart came out. I've got 2 verses and the pre-chorus, along with the theme/focus of the chorus. I asked one of my best friends to try and write the music to it. I miss when we used to write a song or 2 a month...that was an amazing time. He was my first best friend post-high school and uni. It was awesome getting a best friend again. Life got really complicated after that due to our work and we've never recovered our song making sessions. We no longer live in the same place, but may be we can create music from afar.
I have to wrap it up already to get home but here's my brief status:
- Work is FULL on, but not feeling overwhelmed by it and enjoying most of it. God is sending me unexpected help as I do a major reedit of our Livelihood curriculum. My organization also just received a perfect score from an Australian group who audits NGO's in over 40 countries and they said we are the best NGO they've ever audited! We're all feeling very honored to play a small part in serving the poor with such distinction.
- Anna and I are doing well. We continue to pour a lot of energy into each other and continue to make changes in our lives to become the individuals and family we want to be. We did have 1 or 2 rough sections this past 2 weeks. I think it's normal and part of her process of forgiving me and attempting to trust me again. I've tried to give her space as she works through that while trying to not allow it to get me down and send me backwards. That's a challenge, but so far I've continued to stay pure both in thoughts and actions. Thoughts have been trickier to keep under control during our rough patches.
- Personally I've feel a bit mixed. Mostly positive. But I feel like it's so easy for me to disengage. I have had a few new personal insights about myself, which it good and I'll be working those out more. And journalling about them. Exercise has been about once a week, which I'd like to get back to at least twice a week.
- Counseling is still ongoing. It looks like we won't be going to the US any more. We found a place in Thailand that has professional counselors for missionaries. They charge a "donation", but still way cheaper than what we'd pay in the US. Anna and I have peace about it, but we're still dialoging with them to find out more.
Time is so short and I must get home to get kids ready for bed so Anna can cook. Bye
